Tuesday, April 25, 2006

silence is golden... or is it?




1. have you ever wondered how the quite ones are often assumed to be the intellectual ones in a group?
2. have you ever wondered why somebody is not taken seriously when they talk a lot?
3. have you ever wondered about drawing the right balance between active participation and passive participation when in a group, to actually get your voice heard?

just like most questions, the answer for these also tend to be 'well, it depends'...

imagine scenario 1: you are in the middle of a group discussion session, and your primary objective is not to make your point favourable to the group but to make sure that your participation is visible to the judges, you DO forget about question 3 from above, and go full throttle...

imagine scenario 2: you are in the centre stage of a classroom, set to be an instructor helping a bunch of students over a certain subject... it becomes imperative to be communicatively effective, for starters... here, you DO forget about questions 2 and 3 from above, and selectively talk about topics per the audience/requirements...

while these imaginary scenarios are of frequent occurence and acceptably implementable, the tough scenarios are when we have to follow the thoughts from answers to question 1 from above. while maintaining the thin line between arrogance and humility, we learn to adapt based on the group members, context and sensitivity of the topic under discussion, knowledge and wisdom about the context and subject, all play important parts in our ways of expression... add to these, the natural inclination of an induvidual to be either introvertish or extrovertish or ambivertish, the actual outcome becomes unpredictable...

as we learn and adapt, we also tend to become opinionated, and hence influenced to choose how we want to respond in situations and then participate... the critical moment does arrive when one's actions either leads to a catastrophe in an inter-personal or professional relationship, OR leads to a lost opportunity... every chance not taken, is a lost opportunity to be heard... every bond broken is a chance wrongly taken despite having the power to choose...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

to talk about it? or not to?


a month ago, i had made a call to my apartment office... the lady who picked up the phone, asked me how she could help me... i told her that one of the ladies at the apartment administrative office was handling my new lease application, and that i was calling in to follow-up with her... then, after a moment of silence, i could not believe what i heard... the lady in all coolness and totally no realization of the impact of her statement, asked me 'is she black or white'... i was extremely shocked by her question, and chose (rightly i think) not to respond to that question... i did tell her that there were only 3 ladies at the small leasing office, so it had to be one of them... i did eventually get through the line and complete the purpose of my call, but what happened in this phone call started making me wonder about a lot of things that go on everyday that people dont even stop for a moment to think about...

the fact that 'black or white' popped up in a casual conversation was not the only bothering issue for me (irrespective of who mentions it), but the fact that the sensitivity of this issue was not even on the mind of the person who told me made me realize that its still inside all people who claim to be 'irrespective of' to have a classification in their psyche 'on the basis of'... i thought of it to be completely disgusting...

a good friend of mine from Texas (back in the days when i was at grad school), now is the vice-president of 'Race and Ethnic Studies' at Texas A&M University, and i remember clearly about her mentioning some of the distinct challenges in such a position at such a State with history, present and potential future filled with lots and lots of people with prejudices and patterns (genetic or otherwise)...

along these lines, it is extremely saddening to note that, in a country like India filled with intellectuals at every level, a hopelessly cheap and political-benefit-only acts like the quota system... the concept provided by people who implement such things is that they want to reduce the gap between the different sections of the cultural divisions... but thinking about it, rather than reducing, it only emphasized the fact that there is a split in the sections... on the basis of merit, and merit alone, reservations could be made, but not on any other factor... just because someone is born in a certain family should not, and must not make it easier or harder for them to get admitted into an educational institution... it would be a shame if we are to see a day when the country is burning the rage of castismic evil... education is the heart and essence of the shape of an induvidual's personality, and it is unfair to set a quota based on caste, or for any other factor other than academic merit...

even a country like the u.s. of a. took its own time to sort out fundamental issues of segregration at the big level... and for a rapidly changing and urbanizing India, it will only be fair to hope... to hope that the sun will rise, for one and all irrespective of caste, color, religion, sex or any other factor... infact, some words like black, white, caste, etc should be eradicated from the dictionary...

Friday, April 07, 2006

having the listening ear, while being assertive...

a lot of times people tend to forget that what they have, is merely a personal point of view and try to impose on others... it is only human that most of us, including myself have fallen prey to this fine line of imposing-an-idea-forcible syndrome... but while we think that we are doing it for the best, we must also realize and put ourselves in the shoes of the listener...

having a strong opinion on something does not, and should not be completely unchangeable, for we all know that change is the only constant phenomenon that we witness all the time... however at the same time, how far would someone go trying to support self-driven perspectives on worldly idealogies? and how easily would one get convinced by another person? i guess its highly subjective and the answer is usually 'well, it depends...'

when it comes to personal decisions, we all tend to follow either a) conventional wisdom, or b)personal instinct, or c)peer-pressure... the significant point to note is that at most times, we choose based on a) or b) and only a few times like while making a professional decision that we are succumbing to peer-pressure... the key to holding these in a nice balance is to sort-out the plan in the psyche and have a listening ear to the 'wise' ones... and once a brain-storming happens between these two, being assertive helps gain the final steps in crossing the bridge successfully... again, the 'wise' ones, may be just a relative concept, and completely contextual (a baseball card collector may be an expert in it, while he may know NOTHING about aeronautics...)... the street-smart take it a step further and do some personal research before making particular decisions... this personal research may include but not limited to looking into historical/statictical data for similar decisions taken, surveying the potential market and do an evaluation of it...

nothing else matters...

Lyrics - Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are and
nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say and
nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view and
nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are and
nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view and
nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters